Monday, December 28, 2009

A Place They Want To Be

If you want someone to be and stay in your life, you must make your life a place they want to stay. This means making sure they have what they need emotionally, and physically. This is one of the most basic relationship rules and needs not being met are a large reason people leave relationships.

So how do you make your life a place someone wants to be? For starters you must make them feel wanted, cherished, appreciated. For instance, do you listen to your partners needs? Can they come to you and discuss even sensitive topics without negative consequences? Do you treat them with kindness and care? Are you emotionally available to them?

You will not know what your partner needs until you start listening and not just with your ears. You must pay attention to their moods, facial expressions, body language even. All these things will tell you what you need to know, and if you don’t know – ask. Simply ask what you can do to meet their needs and take notes!

It is also very important that you make the relationship a safe place for your partner. They need to know that they can talk to you and speak their minds without negative ramifications like being yelled at, made to feel guilty or getting into a fight. When your partner feels safe to come to you it opens up many levels of trust and communication.

Another way to make sure your life is where your partner wants to stay is to make them feel valued in the relationship. This can be done in many ways including simply telling them how much you appreciate them. Remember though, actions speak louder than words and if you want them to believe it, you must also follow through with actions to prove it. Do little things for them like fill up their car with gas, give them the TV remote, cook their favorite dinner, or hold their hand.

For great advice on how to heal a broken relationship the best ebook we have seen is "The Magic Of Making Up". Take a look at it here Making Up
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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

The Importance Of Honesty In A Relationship

Trust is the basis of any healthy relationship and once trust has been violated the stability of a relationship becomes suspect. But why is trust so important in a relationship? How can honesty make or break a relationship.

To understand what honesty means to a relationship you must first understand what it means to be in a relationship. Relationships are about commitment. The big “C” word is known to send the occasional person running, but it’s a lot less oppressive than it sounds. Commitment means being true to the ideals the relationship was built on. Whether it’s always being there for a friend or staying true to a lover, commitment is simply meeting the expectations you’ve set going into a relationship.

So let’s say you’ve broken a promise, harmless enough right? Well when you break a promise a lot more happens than either of you may realize. Before you broke that promise they knew with certainty that everything you promised to do would get done. Whether it was as mundane as taking out the trash or as important as keeping secrets told to you in confidence, you could always be counted on to deliver. But once you’ve broken that promise it casts doubt on your ability to keep your word. When it’s as mundane as no longer being trusted to take out the trash when asked the effects seem inconsequential, but when you’re no longer trusted with personal information you can see what impact trust can have on a relationship.

So how does one maintain trust in a relationship? Well, while keeping promises is very important, remaining honest is just as crucial to a relationship going the distance. Relationships thrive on the ability to take each other’s words at face value. Couples can’t spend every second of every day together so it’s important to leave no room for doubting each other’s commitment during these times of separation. This way each can go out with their friends or colleagues without worrying what the other may be doing and if either feels a even a twinge of doubt a track record of complete honesty goes a long way to setting their mind at ease.

Honesty isn’t always easy and there is more than a little temptation to tell ‘white lies’ to avoid conflict, but the long-term benefits of complete honesty far outweigh avoiding the friction caused by an unpopular response.

The best ebook we have come axcross on dealing with relationship problems and getting back together is "The Magic Of Making Up" See it here at relationships

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Friday, November 20, 2009

Anger Hurts You more Than Anyone Else--Let Go Of It

Anger is an emotion we all feel at times. Anger at a partner or spouse for the way we feel they are treating us. Anger at a co-worker or employer for problems we are having in the workplace.Anger at the government.Anger at someone who we feel is acting wrongly toward us. So it goes on.There are so many targets for our anger that we could spend most of our day being angry about something.

Unfortunately some people do live in just this way. When we come across one of them and feel the brunt of some of their rage we will say "Well doesn,t he have a chip on his shoulder".

Anger is a life spoiler. When we are angry our life is out of control. We tend not to think rationally but just to vent our rage to someone or perhaps worse still just to bottle it up inside ourselves till we reach an explosion point. At some point the pressure of bottled up anger and resentment will cause us to pop like a balloon and vent that anger on someone who quite likely does not deserve this treatment. In extreme cases anger boiling over leads to physical violence. This is the most destructive force of all and is seen so often in domestic problems which can turn violent with sometimes tragic results.

We don,t have to live with anger within us. In fact we must not let our lives become so distorted by this entirely negative emotion. We must search out the root causes of our anger and release ourselves from them one by one. Don,t blame everyone else but yourself. It is highly probable that the person you feel anger toward is no more to blame than you are. Look at the situation through their eyes and see for yourself what their view of the problem is. They may be very wrong, or you may be, but in any case you need to evaluate your situation and talk calmly and clearly to the other person about what your mutusl problems are. See if you have a common ground which you can both accept by each making some concessions for the good of all. Feel yourself relaxed and calm as you talk and reason the problems out.

If your anger is at something you have little control over such as the government write letters or emails to your representatives explaining how you feel. Your anger will be much relieved by calmly expressing yourself in writing. Let the anger go and use the force instead to work toward changing the world to the way you want it to be.
Don,t let the entirely negative emotion of anger ruin your life. Climb above it and enjoy living to the full.

The best ebook we have ever come across in confronting and correcting your relationship problems is The Magic Of Making Up. Take a look at it here Relationships

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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Relationships Can Be Saved--You Can Get Back Together

When your marriage or relationship is on the rocks and breakup seems imminent or has already happened it can be one of the worst times in your life. You want to get back together with your partner but you have drifted so far apart that you just don,t know how to do it. Anger, resentment, jealousy,all take a part in this game of splitting up. If you want to end the break up you have to learn how to master and control these emotions rather than let them master you.

It would be very helpful if you could actually see yourself as your partner sees you. In the words of the great Scottish bard Robbie Burns "Wad some power the giftie gie us tae see oursels as ithers see us". Translated that means "Would some power give us the gift to see ourselves as others see us".What a gift indeed. How ridiculous we can look as we scream and rage at one another and throw tantrums, if not more solid objects. If we could just sit down and see a video of our performance it would be unlikely to happen again.

Just in fact do sit down and see a video in your mind of how you look as you fight it out. How stupid it is, you will think. What effect is it having on this already badly damaged relationship? Well obviously it is only driving a deeper wedge between the two of you. What you need to do is to calmly sit down together and discuss what is going on without ranting and raging at one another. Just tell each other what problems you see in the relationship and what you think would correct them. Don,t tell your partner that what they are saying is unreasonable or even untrue. Just accept this as their view and think about how the two of you can correct this problem. You can be assured that there is more than one problem to result in splitting your relationship apart. Discuss them one by one and see if you can come to a mutual agreement to correct all these things and make both of you happy.

The Magic Of Making Up is by far the best ebook we have seen on how to mend a broken relationship.Take a look at it here!

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Save Your Marriage From Breakup

When a marriage has reached the point where a breakup seems imminent there is probably more than one problem in the relationship. We hear how a marriage has broken up because of infidelity on the part of one or both of the partners. We hear how it has broken up because of incompatibilty or because of financial problems or for various other reasons. Rarely is it true that there is only one problem. If it were true, that one problem could be resolved relatively easily in many cases.

However there is usually a total breakdown because of many problems coming together to cause almost irrepairable damage. Infidelity is the leading cause of marriage breakup. But is it only the result of one of the partners finding a love interest outside the marriage or is it a result of pressure within the marriage which has caused the pot to boil over, as we might say, and for one or both partners to seek solace elsewhere. Often the latter is the case. There has been financial pressure perhaps compounded by incompatability, or some other factor which has driven a deep wedge into the relationship and has made the grass look so much greener on the other side of the fence so to speak.

How can the marriage be saved? Well first of all it needs both partners to get together and frankly discuss what the problems within the marriage are. Their causes, and what can be done about them, need to be uncovered and laid bare. Then it needs both partners to agree on what they can each do to put things back together. Perhaps he shouldn,t spend all day every Sunday watching the NHL on TV while she wonders why they never go out with the kids and dog anymore, like they used to. Perhaps she shouldn,t spend every evening talking on the phone with friends instead of sitting down for a nice evening of relaxation with him while they talk about all the things going on in their lives. It needs a mutual understanding of how things like this are pushing them apart. Marriages even break down because one partner spends so much time living a virtual life on the internet that the real life doesn,t really matter much anymore.

These problems must be resolved by both halves of the relationship realising that there is a problem there and taking steps to put it right.It takes both partners to realise that they are two wonderful people who had an unbelievably good relationship to begin with. Now because of pressures from many sources they have drifted far apart even though they didn,t want this to happen. It is absolutely within their power to put things back together with frank discussion, and a willingness by both to take the steps which are necessary to get that great relationship back on track, and save their marriage.

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